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Joke of the Day

Discussion in 'Jokes/Humour' started by Mavericks Choice, Sep 16, 2017.

  1. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    I've been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately.
    The most common one seems to be: "You said you'd be home from the pub three ******* hours ago!"
     
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  2. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother was putting cold cream on her face. "Why are you rubbing that cream on you face, mummy?" he asked. "To stay pretty for daddy," said his mother. A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter mummy?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
     
  3. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  4. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    Boris Johnson says he'll put a cap on immigrants coming into the UK. That's wrong. Immigrants should be allowed to wear what they like.
     
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  5. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    I just opened up a broken musical instruments store and named it "Prince Andrews Music". All the instruments only play in, A Minor.
     
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  6. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  7. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  8. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    Two gays were dancing, and one of the guys asked the other, “Why is it that whenever we dance, you get an erection?” the other guy answered, “Because you dance like an ass hole.”
     
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  9. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    A Nun at a Construction Site
    An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.
    She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with them.
    She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. She walked up to the group and with a big smile asked, "Do you men know Jesus Christ?"
    They shook their heads and looked at each other. One of the workers looked up into
    the steelwork and yelled, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
    One of the steelworkers asked why.
    The worker yelled, "His wife is here with his lunch."
     
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  10. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  11. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    Women who wear a ‘Wonderbra’ should come with a disclaimer notice: ‘Actual contents may vary from image on display.’
     
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  12. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    Is a sagging buttocks the same term as falling behind?
     
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  13. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    My butt hair is so long, it made it to the Guinness Book of Records. Not for long though...they threw me out of the library pretty quickly.
     
  14. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  15. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    A guy goes into the Doctors and says " Doctor, I have got three testicles, does that make me a freak?"
    After a quick examination the Doctor says " Wow you do indeed have three testicles, and no it doesn't make you a freak, it makes you a unique human being, be proud of having them"
    The guy comes out of the Doctors feeling ten feet tall and heads to the bus stop where another guy is waiting there.
    Not being able to resist, he says to the guy " Do you know that between us we have five balls?"
    The other guy says " Why, have you only got one?"
     
  16. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    I had the police knocking on my door earlier... "We are going to have to ask you to take your Christmas decorations down, sir, as the 'middle eastern' family accross the road find them very offensive."

    "Bullshit. Why should I?," I said, "We celebrate Christmas here, so if they don't like it, they can fuk off back to whatever **** hole they came from."

    "That's your opinion, sir - and we respect that. Just make sure you put them up on your own house next time..." he replied.
     
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  17. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    What did Colonel Gadaffi and Freddie Mercury have in common? They both died after some men entered their sewage pipe.
     
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  18. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  19. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  20. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    I think it's disgusting the way Prince Harry has treated his adoptive family after all they have done for him.
     
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