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Joke of the Day

Mavericks Choice

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I was given the task of making sure no one touched a fence that had just been painted, and do you know what? It was like watching cricket.
 

Mavericks Choice

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I was given the task of making sure no one touched a fence that had just been painted, and do you know what? It was like watching cricket.
 

keith reed

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I bought a dog as a surprise present for my husband but unfortunately he is allergic to dogs. so I am going to have to find him a new home and I am wondering if anyone can help. His name is Alan, he is 61, great at DIY, drives a nice car and plans wonderful holidays.
 

Mavericks Choice

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Couple in a restaurant sitting at a table for two, next table to them is a table for one, and there's a fella sitting at it who happens to be suffering from Leprosy. When the couples starter arrives the guy looks across at the leper with a look of disgust on his face and pushes his uneaten starter away, the leper notices this and says...I apologise, I know how bad I look and I'm obviously turning you off your meal, I'll just go and not be anymore trouble to you....
The guy answers....Not at all, it's no you I promise, not you at all, I'm sorry, please sit down and finish your meal.
Next the main course arrives, the guy takes up his knife and fork and takes a piece of the steak he ordered, he raises it to his mouth and at the same time glances at the leper, slams it back onto the plate and pushes it away and is has to struggle to not throw up for a minute or two.
The leper, embarrassed and self concious, stand up and says.....I'm really, really sorry and I don't blame you at all, I should not have come here, I'm going to leave now I've obviously ruined your evening and your meal too.
The guy says....No honestly , it's not you at all, please sit down and finish your meal, it's not you at all I swear to you.
So the leper sits down again, and the couples dessert arrives, he takes his spoon and scoops up a mouth watering strawberry covered in ice cream from the bowl, raises it to his lips, glances at the leper and again puts it back into the bowl with a look of disgust on his face, and again pushes the bowl away.
The leper has had enough, he stands up and says.....Look, I can't help the way I am, but everytime you look at me the look of disgust on your face is obvious to me, I've ruined your meal, and I am sorry, I'm going to leave now and I will pay for your meal by way of an apology.
The guy says......No, no really, please it's not you, please sit down, I swear it's not you at all.
The leper says.....You keep saying that, of course it's me what else could it be ?
Guy says.....It's not you, it's that fella behind you at the next table, he keeps dipping he's bread in the back of your neck.
 

Mavericks Choice

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Mr Khan my local shopkeeper must have known about Covid a long time ago. He's been making his wife wear a face covering for years.
 

Mavericks Choice

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A salesman was traveling through the countryside, selling insect repellent:

He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. “Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it.”

The farmer was dubious. “Young man, I’ll make you a proposition. I’ll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I’ll buy a whole case from you.”

The salesman was delighted.
They went to the field and he stripped.
The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. And back to the house went the farmer.
The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard and drawn, but not one bite on him.
The farmer was perplexed. “Son.” He said, “Now, you don’t have a bite on you, but you look like hell! What the devil happened?”
The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked. “For crying out loud, Mister, doesn’t that calf have a Mother?
 
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