A guy goes into a Scottish baker's. "How much is that cake?" "A poond." "And how much is that one?" "A poond. All ma cakes are a poond!" "Oh, OK. What about that one?" "Ach, that one's two poonds." "Oh. Why's that then?" "That's Madeira cake."..
First world war, two trenches 200 metres apart, one occupied by Germans the other by an Irish regiment, theres a stalemate , nobody has shot anybody for a whole week, on both sides they are getting very bored.
Mick says to Paddy...I've an idea, what's the most common name in Germany ?
Paddy says...Gunther, I'd say it's Gunther.
Mick says.... Right, here's what we'll do, you get your rifle ready and I'll shout across no mans land GUNTHER, ARE YE THERE ? and when one of them sticks he's head up you shoot him, right ?
Paddy says...Great idea let's try it.
So Paddy gets ready and Mick shouts across to the German trenches HEY , GUNTHER ARE YOU THERE ?
Up pops a Germans head and BANG, Paddy shoots him.
The two of them can't believe it worked, so Paddy says.... Try it again Mick.
Mick shouts out...GUNTHER, HEY, GUNTHER.
Again a German head pops up and again, BANG, Paddy shoots him.
They can't believe their luck, and seven more times they do it and each time a head pops up and Paddy shoots him.
The Germans are getting a bit sick of this so Fritz says to he's buddy Hermann....Vot is de most common name in Ireland ?
Hermann says...I believe it is Paddy, yes it is definately Paddy, of this I am sure.
Fritz says...We vill play them at their own game, you get ready to shoot and I vill call out ze name Paddy.
So Hermann gets ready and Fritz shouts across no mans land PADDY, I VANT A VORD VIT YOU PLEASE.
No answer comes back, no head pops up, so he tries again PADDY, CAN YOU HEAR ME, ARE YOU THERE ?
Still no answer, so he shouts across again PADDY ARE YOU THERE? PADDY PADDY
Voice answers back...IS THAT YOU GUNTHER ?