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Joke of the Day

Tatiana

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I bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it.
 

Mavericks Choice

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"Your son just called me an old cow!" said my neighbour.
"That's disgraceful," I said. "I keep telling him not to judge people by their appearance."
 

Mavericks Choice

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I was talking to another coworker by the water cooler one day.
I said, "A mate of mine tried to make a new kind of car.
He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from a Renault, the tyres from a Mazda, and the exhaust system from a Toyota..."
The other coworker replied, "Really? What did he get..?"
"Ten years..!" I replied
 

Mavericks Choice

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“What would you like?” says the barman. “What would I like?” says Bob. “A bigger house, more money and a more attractive wife.” “No,” says the barman, patiently. “I meant what do you want?” “To win the lottery, for my mother-in-law to die and for my child to be born healthy!” “What’s it to be?” says the barman, less patiently. "A boy or a girl, I don’t care". "You misunderstand me" says the barman impatiently, "I only asked what you want to drink?" "Oh" says Bob, I see. "Why didn’t you say so? What have you got?" "Nothing at all" says the barman. "I’m perfectly healthy".
 

Mavericks Choice

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You can sit in a pub for 4 hours without a mask, but when you go into a shop for 2 to 5 minutes you need a mask. That means alcohol must kill the virus. The solution is simple drink more beer and save lives.
 

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After an extremely tense argument with my girlfriend, the house was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Things got a lot worse when I saw the grenade fly towards me.
 

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If planning on visiting North Queensland or any of Queensland, we’re doing OK here right now with COVID cases. We watch in horror as the rest of the country spikes and wonder how long before it makes its way here.
So if you plan on vacationing at our rivers, lakes or on our waterfalls this winter, I think you should know that red ants and bedbugs have infested hotels, motels and cabins across the area due to an unusual spring.

Crocs have eaten all domesticated animals and some smaller people.

We have had rabid dingo sightings at every park and town. We have Bigfoots INVADING OUR PARKS.
Porcupines "stabbing" small children should they dare to enter the Bush!
Drop bears have made their way over and multiplied at unprecedented rates and wander the local campgrounds in packs.
Murder hornets!?! We’ve got SHITLOADS of murder hornets. Not to mention the nasty redbacks
Head lice now fly... right beside the bats.
So stay where you are, in your own state or country where it's safe!
Seriously, PLEASE DO NOT COME HERE...
and we also have NO TOILET PAPER!
 
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